I'm Cheap As Fuck Ben Edelman But I'm Not An Asshat Like You

Dear Ben,

Listen man. I get it. I don't want to be overcharged for shit or pay more for what I thought was going to be less. One time I got some pasta noodles that were kind of suck ass so I called them up and got a $5 credit (one phone call btw).

I get it. I'm cheap.

But you're an asshat. I'm not. That's the difference.

I could go into it a lot more - race, class, the perpetuation of the sneaky chinks who want to rob you blind stereotype - but really - I just want to call you an asshat.

And btw, just between us, can't you do some simple math in your head when someone gives you the total? Didn't you go to Harvard?

I know being as cheap as I am I do that shit in my head at the register or when they give me the total over the phone...

Anyway.

Like so many other things, I just have to shake my head and give you a swift kick to the nuts.

Sincerely,
You're An Asshat