I don't know what to think about everything on Aziz Ansari, the article down at babe.net, and the ensuing conversations that have been happening. I think there's a lot to this - and there's a lot that's valid - for and against Aziz Ansari and what happened that evening. I do know this though (as I'm still thinking through some other things).
1. The story is triggering for a lot of women - of all ages - and that should tell us something - and it is telling.
2. This wasn't sexual assault or rape. To say so denigrates victims of rape, sexual assault, and abuse. Period. If you feel defensive or angry at that statement, I understand, but it's true.
3. I'm not standing up for Aziz Ansari. I wasn't there. Not knowing, or trying to figure things out in my own mind (or for anyone else for that matter), doesn't equate to standing up for, or condoning anyone's actions.
4. If someone tells you no and that they're uncomfortable - that's the line. That's the limit. End of date - well - maybe?
5. There's personal responsibility we have to take. If we're uncomfortable we have to leave. In many normal cases and scenarios, we have the right to opt out.
6. As a man, is it right for me to say #5 in this context giving the pressures of society and patriarchy? I don't know - but I know I'm still thinking about this.
EDIT: Adding In Aziz Ansari's response here:
"In September of last year, I met a woman at a party. We exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth and eventually went on a date. We went out to dinner, and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual," Ansari wrote in a statement obtained by CNN on Sunday.
"The next day, I got a text from her saying that although 'it may have seemed okay,' upon further reflection, she felt uncomfortable. It was true that everything did seem okay to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned," Ansari's statement continued. "I took her words to heart and responded privately after taking the time to process what she had said."
