To The Women Who Want To Have Sex With Me

Thursday, September 13, 2012

First, let me say thank you. Second, let me say that I don't have that type of money. But if you're not asking me to have sex with you for money, and we just happen to meet and you bat your eyes at me with that "Damn you're sexy look," and do that thing where you stretch out in front of me where I can get a full look at you and all of your glory, and by glory I mean, well, all of your glory - let me say that I might simply mistake that for you just stretching out and not caring about who you're stretching out in front of and that your eyes maybe weren't actually saying "Damn he's sexy" but rather "I'm kind of tired and I need to open my eyes a little more because I want to make it seem that what he's saying is actually semi-important to me, even though it's not."

Which basically means that if you want to try and pick me up, you're going to have to grab me, and by grab me, I mean actually come up to me and press yourself against me, and then, well, grab me.

Between the legs.

However, I do have to warn you that even though I might think I'm in a gonzo movie, because that stuff just doesn't happen to me (unless I'm downtown, have had a few beers and happen to meet someone else who was apparently in the same state that I was) - I'm just going on record that it even then, even though I'll know you want to have sex with me - I probably won't have sex with you.

I only say probably because there is the remote chance I would - but the world would have to be ending and sex with you would have to mean that by having sex with you we would be saving the world - something along the lines where the friction created would emit a nuclear strength type of force/awesome blast killing aliens - which I have to admit would be cool, and if it was guaranteed that would happen, than the odds just might go up.

But outside of that I would have to say no.

I'd have to decline.

I'd have to say no thank you, but thank you very much for rubbing up against me and grabbing my goodness and asking if I'd like a taste of your goodness too, which I'm sure would be good, but again it would be no and it would be because of K-Girl - and not just because K-Girl is K-Girl, but because if there's one thing Koreans are good at, it's burying shit in the ground, and honestly, I don't want my goodness chopped off, stuck in a pot, and served as a tasty side dish to uninvited guests.

I just don't want to go out like that.

I can't go out like that.

So I'll just decline and say thank you for the lift and bid you a good day.