Random Things I Like To Do When I Masturbate

Friday, September 14, 2012

I don't really know why I'm writing this post, besides the fact that I just thought I'd write up on things I like to do when I'm getting my groove on, which if you've seen me, you don't really want to think about me getting my groove on, but that's just the way it is - it's always the people you don't want to see naked that you always see naked.

Why can't you see the people you want to see naked naked? I don't know either, but I'm sure I'll be thinking about it as I also try and figure out how to use the word "transmogrification" more in my daily communication.

Anyway, for better or for worse, on to my list.

1. Watch the news. Sure, this might seem like an odd thing to do when you masturbate, but sometimes I need a break, especially if it's a MMS (I'll let you figure that one out) but I still don't want to stop the action either and sometimes I just feel glutinous -- so I just go slow and learn something at the same time - multitask - I mean who says I can't be free and loving myself while also learning about what the hell is going on in Libya. Exactly - no one.

2. Rub My Balls. I think this one is self explanatory.

3. Watch YouTube Videos. Sometimes I like a beat when I get down and who says I can't watch music videos at the same time? It's not like I'm watching cat videos (because that would just be weird).

4. Have Five Screens Of Porn On At The Same Time I don't know about you, but trends tell me that as a population we like to be immersed in our media - clearer, crisper, better, and just more - IMAX, 3D, Surround Sound, 4K, even the new iPhone's mapping program wants to immerse you in the experience (and I wonder what the GDP increase to traffic accident ratio is) - it's not my fault I'm glutinous. I'm just a product of society.

5. Have A Smokey Treat. Unlike a cigarette after sex, if I'm alone (because who hasn't liked themselves some mutual masturbation with another party) I figure why wait right? I mean that's kind of the whole point of doing what you do with the shades closed (because I'm all about the privacy) isn't it?