Post Archives: When White People Go Bad: The Garrison Keillor Edition (AKA Your Trắng Prairie Nhà Companion)

Wednesday, December 30, 2020


This article was originally written for the YOMYOMF blog which was closed approximately two years ago and is being re-posted here for archival purposes.


Dear WFC,

First, I just wanted to say that you’re kind of obtuse and obese, and while you might think that’s a little ad hominem and that I’m fat shaming you, I’m really just talking about your outer inner White Fat Cat that elicits inane English phrases like what you recently wrote in the Washington Post:

Meanwhile, the Democrats wander in the woods, walking into trees. A wealthy San Francisco liberal is reelected as minority leader in the House, having flung millions into the wind and gotten skunked in 2014 and drubbed this fall, and a lackluster black Muslim congressman from Minneapolis is a leading candidate for chair of the Democratic National Committee, the person who will need to connect with disaffected workers in Youngstown and Pittsburgh. Why not a ballet dancer or a Buddhist monk?

The word erstwhile comes to mind because I feel like you’re supposed to be retired eating vittles and lutefisk sitting on your WFC bottom waiting to die with interim spells of nodding off while you lick yourself…

But wait wait – don’t tell me!

Did you just feel the need to throw a little old WFC racist shade on the first Muslim American to be elected to the U.S. Congress (and the first Black Man elected to the U.S. House in Minnesnota) because you don’t think he can connect with disaffected White Voters even though he’s “been racking up powerful endorsements since announcing his bid for DNC chair last month, and notably owns the support of the AFL-CIO, which represents some 12 million union workers across the country”?

Or was it because you feel like we should pander to the lowest common denominator? Win at any cost? Fold versus fight?

To go back to the days of your beloved Lake Wobegon where I don’t think Asian Americans or anyone else without White genotypes and phenotypes existed?

Ahh…it was easier back in those days wasn’t it?

Racism didn’t exist. There weren’t any of those nasty BLM groups making trouble, and for sure, us chinky bastards knew our place didn’t we?

Yeah…I think you should go back to licking yourself while you think about another crappy book to write (and yes – now I’m being a little ad hominem).

Not Guy Noir