AALDEF vs Philadelphia City Commissioners

When I read about the AALDEF and their filing of a complaint against the Philadelphia City Commissioners for refusing to provide language assistance to Asian American voters, I just can't help think about how some people might say that it's a drain on resources and why should they be giving their tax dollars for people who need language assistance - and then I just want to flick 'em in the nipple and invade their personal space.

You live in America. I don't care if you like it, because America, at least the way it's supposed to be, is to open its arms to everyone, give a foundation and structure to grow, and invest in its people because a better educated multilingual community is powerful for everyone.

Random Things I Like To Do When I Masturbate

I don't really know why I'm writing this post, besides the fact that I just thought I'd write up on things I like to do when I'm getting my groove on, which if you've seen me, you don't really want to think about me getting my groove on, but that's just the way it is - it's always the people you don't want to see naked that you always see naked.

Why can't you see the people you want to see naked naked? I don't know either, but I'm sure I'll be thinking about it as I also try and figure out how to use the word "transmogrification" more in my daily communication.

Anyway, for better or for worse, on to my list.

1. Watch the news. Sure, this might seem like an odd thing to do when you masturbate, but sometimes I need a break, especially if it's a MMS (I'll let you figure that one out) but I still don't want to stop the action either and sometimes I just feel glutinous -- so I just go slow and learn something at the same time - multitask - I mean who says I can't be free and loving myself while also learning about what the hell is going on in Libya. Exactly - no one.

2. Rub My Balls. I think this one is self explanatory.

3. Watch YouTube Videos. Sometimes I like a beat when I get down and who says I can't watch music videos at the same time? It's not like I'm watching cat videos (because that would just be weird).

4. Have Five Screens Of Porn On At The Same Time I don't know about you, but trends tell me that as a population we like to be immersed in our media - clearer, crisper, better, and just more - IMAX, 3D, Surround Sound, 4K, even the new iPhone's mapping program wants to immerse you in the experience (and I wonder what the GDP increase to traffic accident ratio is) - it's not my fault I'm glutinous. I'm just a product of society.

5. Have A Smokey Treat. Unlike a cigarette after sex, if I'm alone (because who hasn't liked themselves some mutual masturbation with another party) I figure why wait right? I mean that's kind of the whole point of doing what you do with the shades closed (because I'm all about the privacy) isn't it?

I Don't Know What This Post Is About

With exception to the fact that I wanted to post up the following words:

Chautacular.
Chaunomenal.
Chaugasmic.

P.S.

As I write these words and say them aloud, K-Girl rolls her eyes at me and says the following.

"How unfortunate".

Did You Know?

That this month is National Minority Health Month?

Nope.

Me neither.

A Quick Letter To My Inbox

Hey Inbox,

I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I've been kind of neglecting cleaning you. I still love you like the first day I created you (does that make me your Dad btw?). I also did want to say sorry though for all the beatings I've been giving you - archive, delete, archive, read, delete, select, select, select, delete, WTF was that?

Hugs and kisses (I'd do more to you but since I'm kind of like your Dad I guess that would be weird).

Dad

I Hate Mondays...And I'm Still Not Into Those Showers

Even though it's a Wednesday...but since I had off the last two days it really is a Monday - but tomorrow will still feel like a Thursday because it's buffet night at the local club and no matter what anyone tells you I have never found a pubic hair in the foot long hot dog buffet.

Kinda Roman.

Random Thought On South Koreans

If South Koreans text the most and drink the most in the mother area (or vicinity - however you want to look at it) I'm just wondering how many amazing drunk txts there are floating around.

Forward Looking Statement: Indemnifying Your Press Release?

I was reading a press release sent in and at the bottom it had the following:

The statements made in this press release that are not historical facts are "forward-looking statements." These forward-looking statements are based on current expectations and assumptions that are subject to risks and uncertainties. The Company cautions readers of this press release that a number of important factors could cause this event¹s actual future results to differ materially from those expressed in any such forward-looking statements. Such factors include, without limitation, product delays, industry competition, rapid changes in technology and industry standards, protection of proprietary rights, maintenance of relationships with key personnel, vendors and third-party developers, international economic and political conditions. The Company may change its intention, belief or expectation, at any time and without notice, based upon any changes in such factors, in the Company's assumptions or otherwise. The Company undertakes no obligation to release publicly any revisions to any forward-looking statements to reflect events or circumstances after the date hereof or to reflect the occurrence of unanticipated events.

And for some reason I just felt like posting it up (versus something about Obama, the long form, and tweedle dee) simply because I just have to wonder what type of world we live in when you have to add that at the bottom of your press release.

But I do like that phrase "forward looking statements" though....

I could use that with my boss.

Something like "Oh no - I didn't mean to say I'd have that done by today - that was just a forward looking statement I wanted to let you know about because it could have happened..."

I'm Just Going To Go With This One

For some odd reason I was thinking to myself that I've never had sex in a bunny suit before and I'm thinking that before I die I should have that experience at least twice in my life and that when I do - I want a really big ass shagy tail so when I'm deep - down in that good to go stance kind of deep - I can be like "Holy Shit! Look at my big ass tail swinging from side to side! That's MF Awesome!".

Random Phrase

Wilderness Asians.

To The People In The Winter Storms

If you're not accustomed to winter weather - snow, ice, below freezing temperatures, and wind chills that'll make you think what the hell are you doing outside - just stay inside.

Don't pass go.

Stay warm, bundle up, and think to yourself about how next year will be better (because it just can't be that bad two years in a row right?).

And yes.

I'll ask that same question too:

WTF?

How did this thing miss my state???!!!!!

I don't care - I'm just glad it did.

Wow....

Just in case you were wondering (and this is a note to my parole officer)...yeah - it has been a busy week....

Apparently I Had Someone Named Charlene On My Mind

And that has been fixed.

And who the hell is Charlene anyway?

Must have been that Sex In The City slot machine...

Oh wait..that was Charlotte...

And no.

I didn't win Mr. Big.

*sigh*

Sickly = Much To Say About Nothing

That's what I'm going with right now.

Is It True? Could It Really Be? Is My DSL Actually On Forever?

Time will tell if the Gods of DSL are actually shining down on me, but let me just say for the record that I can't believe I've had uninterrupted access for a good 48 hours.

Really - it's the little things.

A big thanks to Joe who probably had enough of coming to this address only to come back again until he finally said to hell with it all and crashed his car into the THE BOX.

Thank You Joe.

Thank You.

Just For The Record South Florida

As I have a little bit of downtime waiting for a friend I just wanted to say that South Florida is kinda hot. Not Sai Gon hot. But still kinda hot.

Thank god for Starbucks and their wi-fi.

Sweet sweet wi-fi.

And skirts. And cute shoes. And women who walk with a strut even though I'm really not a guy who dates people with a strut.

Because I'm a little more low key and that would mean I would have to strut too, and if you've ever seen me try and strut - well - it kind of looks more like a hiccup.

That Was An Unintended Break

I guess work afer a week off + summer = not a hell of a lot of posts this week.

Back to your regularly scheduled show.

Oh wait....

And I'm Off To See The Wizard

Yup. It has been quiet over the last few days in part because it's summer, I'm working my ass to the bone, and - well - now I'm off the see the Wizard AKA...kicks ass films.

Updating you as you wish I actually were - which doesn't really make a ton of sense - but does it really matter?

No.

No it does not.

Rotten Tomatoes Worst Of The Worst That I Actually Kind Of Liked

I was talking with a friend a few days ago and asked the question of movies that kind of sucked but that they really couldn't help but liking, and I thought to myself (as I was asked the question back) that I really need a measuring stick of what is considered a bad movie (because I think many films have redeeming qualities).

So I've decided to go on out to the Rotten Tomatoes list of the Worst Of The Worst from 2000-2009 and post up a few films on that list that apparently I didn't think were actually that bad.

Judge me all you'd like. Make your assumptions. But remember:

Everyone is beautiful in their own way.

Glitter



Honestly, I kind of blame k-drama that I liked this movie, and I can't really even tell you the full storyline anymore, but I just remember that I kind of have a fond place for it in my heart because after I got done watching it I said to myself "I don't think it sucks that bad."

Good Luck Chuck



I just think there're a lot of people who are a little jealous of Jessica Alba and that's really all I want to say about this specific choice.

Code Name: The Cleaner



In all honesty, I can't remember one damn thing about this movie whatsoever. But I did watch it in full. And I did laugh. And I don't think it could have been that bad could it have? I might have to watch this one again.

One Missed Call (Remake)



For the sake of argument, let's call my other picks iffy. I'm not backing down on this one, because this remake wasn't actually that bad and I don't understand why it gets such a bad rap. Watch the original of this and the original The Eye, and then watch each of the remakes - and while I have to give something (if only because "Glitter" is on this list) - in the world of remakes - this one wins.

A Quick Note To Noodles And Co

Dear NAC:

I'll be quick about this because I have some of your food waiting for me to eat, but why is it that the spaghetti and meatballs regular is two times larger than the stroganoff regular size? I didn't ask for small, but for some reason it looks small and I don't understand why regular for one, looks like small for the other.

I'm not really mad per se, I just don't understand, however, I would like a large stroganoff, not a small, even if it's regular.

Good Day,
Slanty