An Open Letter To Asian American Guys Who Talk About Being Progressive, Supporting Gender Equality, And Not Being Misogynistic

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Dear Guys (Who I've Already Referenced Above In The Title),

There's nothing wrong with being "progressive", albeit that term when applied to this conversation is in some ways like using the word "tolerate" to me - because let's embrace it versus tolerate it right? And is it really that "progressive" to have a level playing field? Sometimes when I hear the word progressive in that light I can't help but think to myself that it sometimes comes from this POV of not necessarily embracing it and just feeling it, versus that it's just "the right thing to do" and in a way, more of a task of chores to do - not all the time, not everyone, but sometimes. Say all the right things, do all the right things, but something just seems off right?

Anyway, I'm getting off track.

Listen - if I don't support equal pay for everyone, or a workplace of diversity to the highest positions, or can't fathom how women and men are equals, or that women aren't just sex objects for pleasure - easy shit - someone should kick me.

And kick me really really hard.

Because like I said - that's easy shit.

At the same time - maybe not either.

I've seen guys who preach about being supporters and allies, who write about being supporters and allies, but then at the same time, when in a conversation with a man and a woman, will ignore the woman in the conversation almost completely and focus on what the guy is saying.

Literally turn their back on the woman in the conversation.

You can talk all the shit you wanna talk about for supporting women, even be exalted for it, but if you have conversations like that (offline or online equivalents) - what you say doesn't mean a thing because it truly is lip service.

It's like the guys who deny a woman any sexuality but also can't stop thinking of a woman in only a sexual way where they can't see past their own (and possibly repressed) desires to realize that person is in fact a better candidate for a promotion - and I distrust puritans if only because everyone has sex and when you deny that people should appreciate each other's bodies and the way they look - and there are times and places for everything because not everything is appropriate - I think it seeps too much in - the denial - to the point where it becomes the exact opposite.

Everything isn't as it always seems and it's not that cut and it's not that dry.

You like you some adult film (aka porn)?

Does that make you a misogynist who can't support gender equality?


Maybe not.

I guess it depends on what you watch (and I'll always argue the individuals over industries like I do in capitalistic societies however flawed that can be).

But not everyone's gonna admit that or to that.

But they may admit that they don't want their daughter to do or like "traditional" boy things, or their boys to do or like "traditional" girl things.

Funny huh?

I guess I'm just saying that there are things we need to do as men and as males and to question what we do or don't do, but to be real about it.

Let's live in the real world.

Let's be real about the differences between men and women because in not doing so, we're just being "color-blind" if we equate this to race (which isn't a perfect analogy, but you get the picture) - and as we know - that doesn't work and never has because there are so many shades of what color - and what being a woman or man - is all about.

And let's give each other a break here and there (and I guess that would go out to everyone).

Because in the real world it's not binary.

There's a difference between looking at someone to see their outfit and telling them they look nice versus ogling them like a piece of meat and thinking they're your property to do as you wish (and to have that expectation).

There's a difference between being sexual and treating people like a sexual object.

And there's a difference between saying you support gender equality and truly supporting it, just like there's a difference between promoting someone, and promoting someone to a true position of power.


That's it.

Soapbox as you will, just be careful of the suds in your eyes.

Redagnaddity Em Flickerus,