A letter to Eurotrash

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Dear Eurotrash:

When you're in a different country - particularly in Asia - please follow a few simple rules:

1. Even though you may be on vacation because you need to get away from the sites that are Sarko and his sideshow Carla, please remember that a slap to your Eurotrash teenager is in fact allowable in a public place when they behave like the little Eurotrash offspring that they are, complaining and moaning about something they got on their plate that doesn't resemble what they saw in their guidebook. I know it's a long shot because you've raised them to believe they are the rightful heirs to everything, but a nice slap (or two) really does go a long way - but if said Eurotrash offspring continue to act like the idiots you've raised them to be - treating the friendly and great staff like pieces of meat - don't be surprised if a Slant Eye from across the way starts in on your Eurotrash family because you've interupted his meal with your bad Eurotrash behavior.

2. When you see Asian women sitting calmly in a park this doesn't mean that they're prostitutes waiting for your Eurotrash self to come and sweep them off their feet with your broke backpacker Eurosmell and receding hairline. They're enjoying themselves without you're Eurotrash cat calls and seriously - don't you get that they're about 20 dudes playing ball nearby that will gladly come over and help you out of the park and on your merry Eurotrash way?

3. This goes for trashy Americans as well - here and in the U.S. (haven't I said this before?) - while many people know English and most places will try to accomodate you no matter what the venue, if someone doesn't understand you - shouting doesn't help - it only makes you look like more of a complete dumbass especially when you start to get frustrated that someone in another country can't speak the Queens English. At least try and learn a little of the language - because it goes along way and is very much appreciated.

4. Just stay away from me.