Answering Dr. Gail Saltz's Mail And What To Do With Your Racist BF's/GF's Parents

Friday, July 10, 2009

I happened to catch this letter on MSNBC writing to Dr. Gail Saltz on what this person should do about her BF's mom who keeps on making racist remarks and even though the advice she gave was pretty good, I thought I'd answer it myself because I'm just feeling in a giving type of mood right now.

The Question

I have been dating my boyfriend for five years. He is white and I am from a mixed racial background. His mother makes racially tinged comments to me about color, food, language, and so on. I brush it off as ignorance and try to be polite when responding, but I’m tired of it now. I’m looking to become part of the family and one day have children with my boyfriend. I won’t subject my children to such comments. His mother has even made multiple comments about her not getting blonde, blue-eyed grandchildren from me. My boyfriend is a timid person and isn’t the kind to stand his ground, whereas it’s tough for me to continue being polite when I’m provoked. I’m trying for the sake of being on the good side of my future mother-in-law. It’s a touchy topic, especially because I don’t want to accuse her of being racist and then have her hating me. What should I do?

Advice From Your Friendly Slanty

Dear WWBWSAHMWS (Women With Boyfriend Who Sucks And Has Mother Who Sucks),

First, I'm going to shorten your name to WWB - because we already know that your BF sucks, and so does his mother and I'd like to spare you any more pain about your current situation.


In a perfect world I'd say you need to drop that little motherfucker and drop his ass fast, because the last thing you need is a partner who lets you become roadkill just because he's got mommy issues.

But unfortunately it seems like you love him, and he might be great in all other areas of your life - except of course being able to stand up for you (or himself) - but that's a moot point right?

Because you don't need that.

And your kids won't need that either because when they come out of the womb they'll be all grown up and will have the wisdom of the world at their fingertips ready to take on anyone.

Oh wait...that usually doesn't happen until later and in the case of your BF...apparently a little longer (and maybe never).

But I'm being kind of a dick right now aren't I? And I'm probably not saying anything new that you haven't heard already (at least from sane people).

I guess deep down you think your BF will change and one day pony up and be the knight in shining armor you think he can be (because that's the only reason I can possibly fathom why you're still with this guy).

So what do you do?


Just don't see his family or his mom anymore.

I mean is it really going to break you?

Are you - or your future offspring - really going to miss his racist mother who can't keep her trap shut?


And you shouldn't feel bad about it either WWB. In fact there are upsides to this:

  • No boring holidays to sit through.
  • Helping the environment by conserving fossil fuels from having to drive there.
  • Your sanity.
  • But most importantly - saving money on gifts that you would have had to buy for the evil she-devil that you can put towards your kid's college funds (or possibly therapy).
Until both of them come around or you decide to leave the relationship - that's really your only choice.