An Open Letter To The One Who Pissed Me Off The Most In 2008

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I wasn't going to write this post, but I thought you know what - it is my blog, and like I've said before I'm not a brand, an organization - hell - I'm no one - so what should really stop me from completely going off about the thing that personally pissed me off the most in 2008?

Sure, some of you might say that there's really no use in it, that it's not constructive, that I should just let it pass, that it does absolutely no good for the community, and you know what?

You might be right.

But if you haven't figured it out by now, I really don't care. In fact, I just can't help myself. We all do things our own way and I had to get this one off my chest.

So, here it is:

Dear fucking cricket that infiltrated my goddamn house this year and kept me up for a solid no-shit fucking week,

Listen to me you crazy motherfucker. I still don't know if you're dead, because I couldn't actually find you, and while you might think that makes you smarter than me, if you are still alive and do happen to resurface, I just want to let you know that I'm gonna seriously fuck you up.

I mean you may not be a racist cricket, a GOP cricket, or a cricket that blamed the black voter for Prop 8, but goddamn cricket, you still pissed me the fuck off to no end this year. And seriously - what was up after Day #3? I mean didn't you figure out by then that you weren't going to get any cricket sex from a cricket hoochie mama by rubbing your scrawny little cricket legs together in my fucking kitchen, or were you just fucking with me?

Because seriously, if I ever find out that you were just fucking with me and it wasn't just some natural instinct of yours (because that sucked ass enough), I'm not just gonna beat you down, I'm gonna beat down all of your fucking people too.

Take my word for it cricket.

You better watch your ass.